Statistics have consistently shown that many people endure unhappiness because they are reluctant to let go. Factors like the fear of loneliness or heavy emotional investment can make the decision to walk away even more daunting. 

If you find yourself experiencing any of the signs listed below, it might be time to move on peacefully and let go:

1. When You Are Disrespected and Abused:

Healthy relationships should never involve any form of abuse or blantant disrespect. Your partner should be a haven, someone you run to rather than from. 

If your partner hurts you physically, verbally, or emotionally, and you’re not treated with the respect you deserve, it’s time to move on immediately. Remaining in such a relationship will only enable the abuser to continue.

2. When There Is Constant Criticism: 

If you feel compelled to pretend to be someone you’re not out of fear of judgment, ridicule, or abuse from your partner, it’s a clear sign that you need to let the relationship go. Effective communication, sharing thoughts and plans, and being authentic should be integral to a healthy relationship.  

If your partner constantly belittles you with derogatory comments, it’s a clear sign that you are not being appreciated. Whether the criticism targets your appearance, behavior, opinions, or beliefs, being with a partner who values and sees the good in you, instead, is essential. Mistakes should be addressed with love and kindness.

3. When You are Living in Fear in the Relationship:

If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner, this is a conspicuous red flag. Constantly second-guessing your words and actions because you fear your partner’s intimidation is a sign that you should free yourself from this relationship. 

If nervousness and worry dominate your interactions because you’re afraid of upsetting your partner or facing embarrassment, it’s time to take action, and be guided toward a life you deserve. Know – you should have all the goodness you desire!

4. When the Relationship Has Lost Its Spark: 

When the initial excitement fades and the relationship becomes dull and uninspiring, sure, it may be futile to rekindle what’s been lost. But staying in a relationship characterized by boredom and lifelessness might prompt your partner to seek emotional fulfillment elsewhere, or you for that matter. 

If you find yourself merely “tolerating” or “going along” with the relationship, it’s essential to pause and reflect. While relationships naturally have their ups and downs, periods of happiness should outweigh the lows by a significant margin. 

In relationships, time doesn’t always heal; sometimes, the best decision is to move on after giving it a fair chance for improvement.

5. When You are Always Drained of Energy: 

A fulfilling relationship should bring warmth, energy, and positivity into your life. 

If being with your partner feels like a chore, punishment, or obligation, and you constantly need “a break” or feel suffocated, this is a glaring sign that you’re not with the right person. Something is amiss when you no longer look forward to seeing your partner.

6. When There is Too Much Compromise From Your End: 

A healthy relationship requires effort from both partners. 

If you find yourself doing all the work to maintain and nurture the relationship, take heed to the strong indicator that it’s time to let go. 

An imbalance in effort can lead to weariness, frustration, and resentment, especially if your partner fails to acknowledge your contributions.

7. When Your Loved Ones Don’t Fully Support Your relationship: 

If your friends and family do not support your relationship and express concerns, this could be a warning sign. 

You are in control of your relationship status, but Ignoring your loved ones valid concerns, lying to them, or making excuses for your partner’s behavior is deceiving yourself. 

A relationship that causes you to isolate yourself from your loved ones may not be worth sacrificing for in the end. 

8. When You’re Always Making Excuses for Their Bad Behavior: 

When you catch yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s unacceptable behavior, it’s time to confront the reality that you need to let go. 

Justifying their actions to friends and family and explaining away neglect or mistreatment are clear signals that it’s time to gather your courage and move on.

9. When You Have Misaligned Goals: 

When your life goals and aspirations clash with your partner’s, friction is inevitable.  Offering mutual support becomes challenging, and instead of growing together, you’ll drift apart as you pursue separate paths. In such cases, leaving the relationship is best, as you may compromise without appreciation for your efforts. 

Please take note that every goal doesn’t have to align. You both don’t have to want the exact same things, BUT compromise will be imperative as you decide your path forward. 

In any case, a supportive partner should aid and expedite your personal growth and pursuit of goals. They should never stand as an obstacle to your progress. If you find your relationship impeding your professional, academic, or personal growth, this might be a sign of incompatibility.

10. When Your Needs Are Met by Another: 

Whoo! Testy waters, ya’ll, but something to be considered. When the person you turn to for emotional support or companionship is not your partner but someone else, it’s a sign that something is amiss in your relationship. 

Your partner cannot be everything for you, but supportive and a listening ear when needed is a fair expectation. 

If your partner consistently fails to meet your emotional needs, such as quality time, it’s essential to communicate your feelings to them. If no effort is made to address these needs, it’s best to consider moving on. Relying on colleagues or friends or a side person not in your relationship to fulfill needs your partner should meet clearly indicates that it’s time to reasses the relationship. 

11. When There Is Consistent Dishonesty and Disloyalty: 

While some relationships can survive occasional instances of dishonesty and disloyalty, with the help of counseling, consistent and repeated occurrences indicate deeper problems. Regardless of the reasons behind these actions, it is often wisest to let go. Persistent dishonesty and disloyalty, even when addressed, can erode the foundation of trust in a relationship. That leads to a lackluster feeling for everyone involved. 

6 Steps to help you move peacefully from a toxic relationship.

Leaving a toxic relationship can seem so hard especially when there are so many emotions, time, and resources invested. Although it is possible to turn things around (which must involve effort from both partners), you must note that not all toxic relationships can be saved. Here are some steps to help you leave toxic relationships peacefully.

1. Build a support system:

You must build a system of friends and family that you can lean on after making  the tough decision, and taking action to move on. The truth is, our minds and bodies have been wired to be dependent on things we are familiar with. Hence, having a support system will make the transition easier and relieve you of some of the distress that comes thereafter. It’s important you don’t feel alone during this time. 

2. Stand firm in your decision:

Once you notice toxicity in your relationship, make up your mind to leave and be firm in your decision. Even though a toxic partner promises to change, the shock of a possible separation may be the culprit, but not always enough for them to make much needed and required adjustments to their behavior. 

Best believe, it is more common that not for toxicity to continue if you determine getting back together as an option. As tough as it is, when you decide to leave, don’t go back. Grab your support system, communicate with friends and family and allow yourself room to ask for help and be supported. 

Know – greatness is in store for you!

3. Practice the no-contact rule:

Once you’re able to leave a toxic relationship, cut off all contact with your ex. Staying in touch will give room for you to get back together. Toxic people are excellent at emotional blackmail and manipulation which can lure you back in. 

Unfollow on every social media platform and ensure you don’t run into each other. Doing so will help to eliminate every thought and image of them, and give you the ability to start fresh. When it comes to dating again, give yourself grace. Reconnect with self. And give yourself ample time to heal and determine what it is that you want and need in your next relationship. 

4. Have plans in place:

If you have to leave a toxic relationship successfully, ensure you have a detailed plan on how you will deal with the transition. Think accommodations, transportation, finances, friend and family groups, and parenting into consideration. 

As petty as this may sound, it’s true — make clear plans on which possession you will take, or feel empowered to leave everything behind and truly begin anew. YOU CAN DO IT!

5. Express your feelings:

This is more for you than them, and no matter their response, the point here is for you to release. Be comfortable with expressing your feelings well before leaving. 

If your partner is emotionally intelligent, you can express your feelings face-to-face. 

But if they are short-tempered, you can express yourself through writing a letter or note instead.  There is also an option to simply write a letter in your journal to release your emotions and begin the steps to healing for SELF. 

No matter your choice of release method, make sure to avoid the blame game, know that you cannot control the outcome, and be okay with not getting exactly what you may need to move on. BUT releasing will be the first step – promise!

6. Seek Professional Help from a Therapist:

Depending on the level of toxicity, leaving some toxic relationships might require a solid game plan. 

A good therapist will help you create one, cope, rebuild your esteem, and address possible issues. A therapist will also hold you accountable for your decisions and ensure you stick to them. 

Asking and seeking help is the power that will take you across the threshold to become exactly what you want and deserve in your life. Professional help offers tools to get you there. 

Finally

The most crucial relationship to preserve is the one you have with yourself. It is essential to distance yourself from anyone or anything that diminishes your self-worth. Letting go is undeniably challenging, but this article has provided clear and incontrovertible signs to help you recognize when it’s time to move on. Remember that moving on from one relationship doesn’t mean you need to avoid love forever. Instead, use the lessons learned to foster growth in future relationships.

Take the quality relationship masterclass to become a better leader, colleague, and person in all of your relationships. Also, don’t forget to follow Tamika on Instagram for relationships, life, and love!

The post How to Move On Peacefully: 11 Undisputed Ways to Know It’s Time to Let Go of That Relationship appeared first on Couples Experience.

We’ve asked experts from the first inclusive relationship company for advice about how to merge two households in a stress-free with your sanity intact. 

How to Keep Your Sanity While Trying to Merge Two Households?

Merging two households is like attempting to fit two different puzzle pieces together. Creating a beautiful, complete picture requires a delicate balance of compromise, patience, and understanding. But navigating each household’s diverse interests and routines is more challenging than that.

The reality is that merging two households is not simply about putting two sets of belongings in the same space; it’s about joining two unique lifestyles and personalities. The key to success is approaching the process with an open mind, a positive attitude, and a willingness to work together as a team. Remember, the challenges you face during the merging process can bring you closer together and strengthen your bond. Now, let’s find out how to merge two households while keeping your sanity in place.

#1 Plan and Communicate Ahead of Time

One of the essential steps in merging households is planning and communicating ahead of time. Before the move-in day, it’s crucial to sit down as a family and have an open and honest discussion about expectations, needs, and concerns. Each family member should have a say in the planning process, and everyone’s opinions should be respected.

Establishing clear expectations regarding chores, routines, and boundaries is crucial. Ensure that everyone’s needs are taken into consideration and that the communication lines are open and transparent. This can help avoid potential misunderstandings and conflicts down the road.

#2 Create a Space for Each Child

Creating a comfortable and safe space for each child is also essential when merging two households. Children often find comfort in having a space to express their personalities and preferences freely. Therefore, allow each child to have their room or area, and encourage them to decorate it according to their tastes. This can help them feel like they have a sense of ownership in the new home and a place where they can go to feel safe and secure. It may be a good idea to let them select their space/area before move-in day. 

Additionally, consider the logistics of sharing common areas like the kitchen, living room, and bathrooms. Establish rules and expectations for sharing these spaces, and ensure everyone can access them equally. And don’t forget about the happy couple. Yes, you guessed it – YOU!  You and your loved one should also have an area where you can relax and create a couple’s retreat in the comfort of your home.

#3 Combine Belongings Thoughtfully

Combining belongings when attempting to merge two households is one of the most challenging aspects, especially when children are involved. It’s crucial to handle this process thoughtfully and sensitively. Allow each family member to keep cherished items, but everyone should also be willing to let go of things that are no longer needed or don’t fit into the new space. Remember, this is a new space, and a new opportunity to begin fresh. If possible, involve the children in the process, and let them have a say in what stays and what goes. This can help them feel like they have control in the new home and alleviate feelings of displacement or anxiety.

Always remember that decluttering before the move is the best way to go. The last thing you want is your new home crammed with clutter and having to argue with your kids about getting rid of unwanted items. Therefore, pare down your belongings and start decluttering as soon as you know your move date.

#4 Establish Ground Rules

Establishing ground rules is an essential step in merging two households. This can include rules about chores, screen time, bedtimes, and more. It’s crucial to be clear and consistent about these rules from the beginning and ensure everyone is on board. This can help create a sense of stability and structure in the new home. Additionally, consider each family’s cultural or religious traditions and find ways to incorporate them into the household routine. If it is helpful, consider making a game out of abiding by rules, or offer an allowance. Sometimes, incentives can go a long way. 

#6 Respect Each Other’s Parenting Styles

Each parent will have a unique parenting style, and respecting each other’s methods is essential. Avoid criticizing or undermining each other’s parenting choices, and find ways to work together to raise happy and healthy children. Clear communication is vital, and it’s important to establish a united front when it comes to discipline and setting boundaries. Make sure everyone is able to voice their concerns and struggles without being judged. It’s about listening and finding a solution. 

#7 Practice Flexibility and Compromise

Compromise and flexibility are key when merging households. You may have different lifestyles, preferences, and habits, so finding a balance that works for everyone is essential. Be willing to compromise on certain things, such as decor or furniture, and be flexible when scheduling or sharing responsibilities. After all, a negative attitude can ruin even the most amazing love.

Remember that merging households is about creating a space that works for everyone, not just one person. It may take some time to adjust to your new living situation, but you can create a happy and comfortable home for everyone when you have the right intentions. 

#8 Seek Help When Needed

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The truth is, merging two households is a complex process that can bring up a range of emotions, from excitement to anxiety and everything in between. Therefore, seeking professional help can be a valuable resource during this time. A trained therapist or counselor can provide a safe and supportive space for family members to process their feelings and concerns.

They can also offer guidance and tools to help family members navigate the challenges of merging two households and to establish healthy communication and relationships within the new family dynamic. Whether it’s individual therapy or family counseling, seeking professional help can be a proactive step in ensuring a successful and fulfilling transition for everyone involved.

#9 Celebrate Small Victories

Celebration is necessary. It’s important to remember that merging two households is a process that takes time. Establishing a sense of routine and normalcy may take some time, and there may be bumps along the way. Have patience and understanding as everyone adjusts to the new living situation.

It’s also important to take the time to appreciate the progress made. So celebrate the small victories along the way. With time, effort, and a positive attitude, merging two households can be a successful and rewarding experience for everyone involved.

The Bottom Line

I’m pretty sure, we can all agree that merging two households may be a challenge. Considering it is a significant change that requires careful planning, communication, and flexibility. As families come together, there are bound to be challenges and moments of uncertainty, but it can be a rewarding and joyful experience with the right mindset and strategies.

By following the advice outlined in this article on how to merge two households, families can establish a strong foundation for a happy and prosperous future together. Remember, merging two households is not just about blending belongings and living arrangements. It’s also about creating a new, united family that can support and love one another for years. Look at it as a new and exciting phase in life and watch how things align accordingly.

Sign up for the Couples Experience CE Circle to discuss upcoming couple events, couples retreats, and date night ideas. Experience more today! Also, be sure to follow us on Instagram.

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When you follow the wisdom of love languages, everything is based on that individual. So, for instance, while you may love a hug or kiss goodbye every morning, your partner may need some quality time together to show you care. The ultimate goal, however, is to grasp your significant other’s needs and then try to cater to those needs as best as you can. One thing’s for sure, though – everyone responds quite well to respect, acknowledgment, and reciprocity. 

Here are some ways to make your romantic partner feel wanted:

Make them laugh

Laughing is, as we all know, good for the soul. Thanks to science, we now know that sharing giggles with a significant other is key to keeping the lovey-dovey feelings going. So, tell your partner a funny story or a joke. Knowing their sense of humor and making a point to appeal to it truly does say a lot, and it bonds you closer together. Let’s be real…life will get tough at some point, but having someone to laugh with will make a world of difference. 

React to their little victories

Sympathetic joy is something that characterizes all great relationships. It means that one partner takes delight in the other partner’s well-being, shares their positive feelings, and looks upon them favorably. Has your partner made some amazing art with the kids? Finished a hard read? Taken up a hobby they’ve always wanted to try? Managed to remain calm during a conflict? Done a job well done with work? It’s important to acknowledge and compliment their accomplishments.  No, you don’t have to overdo it. Just some sincere enthusiasm and excitement will do.

Communicate

All relationships have their ups and downs. However, fostering a healthy communication style makes dealing with any issues that arise significantly easier. So, talk your problems through with your partner openly and clearly instead of getting super angry or annoyed. Bring up any issues or concerns as soon as they arise, and sit down for discussions. It’s important not to let things bottle up. Although many people struggle with healthily communicating their feelings, finding an online therapy provider and speaking to the right person can help you achieve effective, healthy communication.

Finally, even small talk is important, so take a few moments to be present with your significant other. You can ask them about how their day went, how they are feeling, and even chit-chat about mundane, trivial things like the weather or the news!

Be a good listener

If your partner is talking about something they’re super passionate about, show genuine attention and interest. Better yet, encourage them to talk about their interests and passions. When your partner realizes that you want to be a part of what they love will be unbelievably validating, and validation is a major part of creating emotional safety and intimacy. On the other hand, if they’re venting about something that’s bothering them, it’s important to practice active listening. You don’t always need to offer solutions. You can just listen and validate. Giving your undivided attention is, without exaggeration, one of the sexiest and most appreciated things you can do.

Give your partner compliments

What do you like about your partner? Is it their intellect? Sense of humor? Patience? Be sure to tell them that, and be specific about it. Complimenting your partner about their looks is perfectly fine, but make sure you throw in a couple of things you love about their personality. Random compliments are about making it known that you notice and appreciate everything great about them.

Flirt with them

Despite the fact that you’ve been dating for a while or even married, there is no reason you shouldn’t still flirt with each other. Make lingering eye contact across the room. Touch them softly when they’re speaking. Tell them how sexy they look. Smack their butt while walking Anything to let them know they still got it and you still want it. You can even have some fun sexting – it’s a fantastic break from the string of normal “I’ll pick up the kids today” or “What’s for dinner, “ or “Grab more diapers on your way home, please.” Flirting with your romantic partner is a great way to keep that spark alive and make your partner feel wanted.

Touch your partner throughout the day

Little touches and romantic gestures, such as patting your partner on their arm, holding their hand, rubbing their neck while watching TV, or touching their lower back, might seem trivial, but they truly go a long way when it comes to making your loved one feel special. It’s really as simple as giving them a 10-second hug, which is enough time for your body to release the feel-good hormone. 

Make out

There are lots of reasons why, as the relationship lasts, kissing may become less frequent and even non-existent. Life is hectic; you don’t have time, your relationship matures, and the way you show affection changes. But wouldn’t it be wonderful to remind yourselves of the earlier days and how much you looked forward to that burning flame of locking lips, that electrifying moment of feeling your heart speed racing? Not to mention that the experience triggers the feel-good chemicals that will make you feel more attracted to and connected to your loved one.

Make plans

We know – you’re doubtful. There’s all that talk about restoring romance and intimacy by recapturing that feel of the early days. But with your jobs putting you on different schedules, house chores, kids, and everything, who has the time? We hear you. However, taking the necessary time to tend to the relationship can actually relieve, and not add, more stress to your daily life. So, plan a date night. A dinner. A weekend getaway a few months down the road. Pull out all the stops. Wear that shirt they like. Do whatever you can to make them feel worthy of special treatment.

Say thank you’s, and I love you’s

Grandiose declarations and elaborate gestures are fantastic ways to make your partner feel wanted. But love is also in those little things like saying “Thank you” and “I love you.” And getting specific about it makes it that much better. Show true appreciation by explicitly saying that you noticed that little thing they did for you this morning and that you are grateful for it. Genuinely express how much you love your partner for something that they do or are, be that their personality, kindness, or intelligence. It’s truly that simple. 

Experiences make us happier and healthier. Still, It’s hard to find time with work, kids, and all of life’s obligations. Couples Experience is the solution. Our luxury couples retreats and couples events are the perfect way to make memories and reconnect with your partner and other couples. Plus, our relationship advice and resources will keep your bond strong. Sign up today to get weekly date night ideas, relationship advice, and exclusive couple’s event and retreat invites.

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Age Gap Love

Age is just one factor of any person. Because our lives progress through several distinct phases, having a partner who understands and supports you at every point of your journey together is critical. When you’re in a relationship with someone at a different stage of life, you may not mesh or be able to grow together effectively. You may be going through experiences for the first time, such as buying a house, whereas your senior partner has been there before. 

This can be an interesting dynamic…….

When you are in a relationship, it is normal for everyone involved to demonstrate enthusiasm for everything you do together, especially when you are reaching new heights or when it’s the first time you are going through something together. Recognize that, if you are the one that is a bit older, while you may have done something previously, your partner may be experiencing this incredible moment for the first time, so be sensitive, and live in the excitement with them. 

There is no correlation between a person’s age and the success of a relationship (age is not equal to wisdom). It depends on the degree to which partners share the same core values, views, and priorities regarding their relationship. How they support each other to reach their goals, build commitment, trust and intimacy and solve problems in healthy ways are all defining elements to be considered. There is no doubt that any age gap, love can work as long as there is an understanding. You will for sure need healthy communication and compromise, be on the same page with your wants and needs, and like with any other relationship, everyone has to feel appreciated, communicated with, and overtly understood. Right?!

When discussing the topic of love and an age gap, it is not difficult to imagine challenges such as social rejection; nonetheless, this shouldn’t overshadow what is most important in a relationship – how you feel about what you have. Forget the outsiders. At the end of the day, no matter the relationship, only the parties within the relationship know exactly what is going on! No need for the “others” to be a part of it. 

Does Age Matter in a Relationship When The Woman Is Older?

Emotional and mental maturity rank higher than physical maturity. Nowadays, a woman can choose the type of relationship she desires or requires and the type of man who best suits her. We all remember how Stella Got Her Groove Back. We acknowledged it, respected it, and understood it. Stella was with a much younger man, and her experience while in the honeymoon phase was everything!  I digress. The point is, a woman can select the man or partner she wants AND/or desires – you hear me?!

Compared to someone younger, most older women have a higher level of maturity and less reactive behavior. She can be more or less tolerant of flaws and a more forgiving partner in the relationship – at times! She has a deeper level of understanding and is more likely to have the ability to keep the relationship going,  because of her life experiences.

In an age gap love relationship where the woman is older, she could anticipate having to make sacrifices to be with her partner. One of the sacrifices is slowing down on some life events or listening to grasp your partners’ feelings. 

The greater the age gap, whether it be younger or older, or the same age for that matter, there will be aforementioned sacrifices to be made for anyone! But sacrifice and compromises are expressions of love, right? All we are asking is for you not to let the apprehension, judgment, or unknown territory to deter you from getting together with someone that could be the greatest match for you. Just be prepared to exercise patience and be reminded of the age gap from time to time. Let’s be real, there are some folks much older than me that are way more fit than I am. Soooo…

When anyone is dating someone younger than them,  the tendency to bring out their inner child is surely a possible side effect, along with the eldest encouraging maturity. No matter what, this situation can strike a wonderful balance that makes a relationship fun while also being well-equipped to deal with life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Does Age Difference Matter in Marriage?

The marriage of French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte Trogneux has been a topic of discussion. In 1993, when she was 40 years old and working as a teacher at La Providence High School, she met Emmanuel Macron, who was then 16 years old and a student. Brigitte had three children of her own and was married at the time. After several years, Brigitte divorced her husband and married Macron, who was 30 years old, and she was 54 years old at that time. This is super common now. I don’t know if you’ve seen it recently, but I certainly have. If it works for others, it works for me. I’m just out here trying to mind my business and watch the spread of love allow us to be great!

It’s important to note that various cultures view age gaps between spouses differently. Some believe the age gap should not be too big, while others believe the man should be slightly older than the woman. In other cultures, the age gap is irrelevant, which raises the question, does age difference matter in marriage? Before marrying a partner with a significant age gap, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can I do this? 
• Is this something I can handle?

Remember, marriage is meant to be a commitment for life! 

Due to the excitement at the beginning of a relationship and the feel-good emotions, lovers fail to ask themselves these vital questions. All parties involved must answer these questions on their own. There should be a conversation about these questions too, and early on so that when this issue arises later in the marriage, they can remember they agreed they were willing “to make it work and to allow it to flourish.”

Like so many unwarranted issues in life…many of the problems people believe will arise from an age gap marriage are unfounded. Perception is everything when it comes to age-gap marriages. If you find that you can’t stop thinking about it, you should either go for it and experience it first hand or simply avoid it. But don’t judge others for their decisions! 

Conclusion

An age gap love relationship can be just as rewarding as a relationship with those close in age. All relationships come with their own set of problems, so it’s all about deciding what you want and are willing to go through to get the love of your life! Cheers!

Visit Couples Experience CE Circle to learn more about handling conflicts in relationships and strengthening the bond between your loved ones. Be sure to follow us on social media for the latest updates on inclusive relationship advice and upcoming couples retreat or couples events in your city!

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All parties involved must make an effort to find mutually agreeable solutions to any disagreement that may come up in your relationship. Your priority cannot be you all the time, but it should be about solving the issue at hand. 

Whether it’s the color of the curtains or the way to discipline your child, everyone has their own opinion, and you’re not always going to see eye-to-eye.

Four tips for dealing with disagreements in a relationship

1. Open Those Ears 

When you and your partner disagree, you should make every effort to listen to one another. At times, in a disagreement, you may feel attacked or what you say can be misconstrued BUT you can battle that issue IF you are willing and apt to listen not react but to truly hear what your partner is saying. This is the step in the direction of being open-minded and nonjudgmental. Give your partner your undivided attention, ask for clarifications to help clear the air and be open to their point of view without engaging in being defensive…

2. Set A Time Limit for the Argument and Let Go

Allocate time when you both sit down and work out your disagreements. A time limit would be “how about coffee tomorrow evening?” I know, I know, this sounds corny, but when you are tired of arguing and you are ready to be mature, this is efficient. Having a moment to step away, regroup and plan what you would like to say has its perks, I promise.  The goal here is to make it easier to express your true feelings more calmly and rationally rather than speaking when aggressive and angry. By the way, when you resolve things, let’s agree, NOT to bring these same things up in future arguments.

If you bring up past conflicts, you’re reopening old wounds and showing your partner that prior agreements and resolutions are meaningless.

3. Be Open to Compromise – Yep, We Are Saying Compromise – AGAIN!

Compromise is essential to having a healthy relationship. I think it is easy to be selfish, but the vibe of a good relationship stems from each individual recognizing that their desires cannot ALWAYS be at the forefront. If you are not ready to compromise, maybe you should reconsider even being in a relationship. Okurrr! 

Let’s be clear, compromise doesn’t imply that you have to agree with your partner or vice versa 100%. Maintaining your values, views, ideas, and preferences are healthy while still meeting halfway. Compromise involves identifying a middle ground and bridging the gap so that both partners feel heard, understood, and agree on an effective solution. The balance will result in a healthier relationship and positive growth in the long run. Win!

4. Take Responsibility for Your Actions and Perception

Listen…say it louder for the folks in the back. Taking responsibility is all about emotional maturity. It is not an easy feat, but doing so will prevent a disagreement to reach an unfixable place. Please believe, we have ALL been there before. Unwilling to take responsibility results in more of an argument. My suggestion – nip it in the bud by saying you apologize. Maybe mention, “You get it. Your experience is not mine, but I can understand where you’re coming from?” Saying this alone can change the tone of the conversation!

It’s easy to point fingers at your partner during a heated disagreement. If needed, respectfully, take a break or a walk to cool off when there seems to be no end to the disagreement. In those ten or so minutes, be honest with yourself and look inward. Examine your role in the disagreement and take responsibility for your perception, words, or actions. “I am sorry, this is my fault” is a good starting point to start the conversation. “My bad for being so angry or for reacting that way.” Disagreements in a relationship are unavoidable, but you can learn how to handle them in the best way possible to grow and build a more unbreakable bond!

Now you are ready to….. Have a look at helpful conflict resolution strategies for couples.

When there is a conflict between couples, it can substantially affect their daily lives. It can affect their mood, sleep, and even how they converse. Some people dodge conflict at all costs, while others let it happen without trying to resolve it. 

However, there are strategies that couples can use to help them

Tips to work out couples conflicts in a healthy manner

Talk About The Issue Respectfully

If you both get into a disagreement, try to resolve it as quickly as possible. The longer you wait, the more our body, brain, and nervous system perceive the other person as a threat, causing them to remain defensive because they feel threatened. Therefore, you need to clear up the issue as soon as possible.

Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable

Yep – get to be vulnerable. Because don’t get it twisted, vulnerability is strength. Try to reach out to your partner even on the days when you don’t feel like it. The phrase “I offer to talk first,” “I offer to listen first,” or “I’m scared and terrified, and even though I feel uncomfortable right now, I want to be here and work this out” are examples of vulnerable statements.

Sometimes, vulnerability can be expressed through gestures like reaching out and holding your partner’s hand or shoulder. Tell them, “Babe, I’m battling my own ish and I got defensive but I care about you and want us to resolve this.” Remember vulnerability is a form of strength, not weakness.

Learn How to Repair Your Relationship Successfully 

Let your partner know they hurt you. People will sometimes try to suppress their emotions, act like it doesn’t bother them, or walk out of the room. Instead of holding everything in, make an effort to get uncomfortable and talk it out. I would imagine your purpose is to return back to the good of the relationship and not live in misery. So show your effort. Figure out what can change the trajectory of the argument appropriately. Pending your bond and personalities, maybe crack a joke. Apologize. Offer a truce. Do something nice. Just don’t let the frustration linger.  

Get this – your body responds to outer circumstances. Your nervous system has the capacity to monitor how much time has passed. The threat response system dislikes having to wait to feel secure which means whenever you don’t feel connected to your partner, you open the door for negative impressions to be stored in your long-term memory. ABORT! 

Throughout the day, your partner will be thinking, “My partner seemed indifferent about an issue that hurt my feelings, and they haven’t brought it up. I’m curious whether they missed it or what’s going on here?” You don’t want that thinking to linger on for hours. 

Unfinished repairs tend to accumulate. You’ll be surprised by what transpires when you constantly bump into unfinished business. Minor issues will quickly snowball into major ones that may result in degrading language or physical confrontation. At that moment, everything in that pile pours into the relationship.

As a result, it is beneficial to address your relationship misunderstandings point by point so that the pile does not grow and you can work towards improving your relationship.

Don’t Give in to Resentment and Anger

Sometimes, you can become irritated with one another when you already feel resentful and furious towards them. Even so, be patient and kind. Listen to them. Sometimes, it takes multiple conversations to find a solution. Don’t allow pressing anger and resentment to get in the way of solving problems. This is only if you really want to work it out and everyone is on the same page, ya know?

Avoid Name-Calling or Putting Down Your Partner

I say it all the time, it is difficult to forget character attacking language, and scary behavior. So attempt to prevent the negative to come out. At times, it may be unavoidable. Or at times you may be triggered, and maybe, just maybe your partner may need to see that side of you, but please try not to cause permanent relationship damage. Do not yell, use insulting language, or demean your partner. Treat your partner with the utmost respect and listen to what they have to tell you. Then, you’ll be able to reach a compromise and work together to strengthen your relationship.

Choose Your Battles

Avoid picking unnecessary fights if you want to handle a volatile situation well. If you argue over minor things, for instance, should you order Mexican or Chinese for dinner, and in the course of the argument, you realize, “wait a minute……what are we arguing about?” You might want to pause and take a step back, laugh about it and focus on other important matters.

Onward ya’ll!

So, let’s take a deep dive into how to resolve conflict in a relationship when both feel strongly. How do you handle conflict in a relationship when neither person wants to give up their point of view? Sure conflict is inevitable in a relationship, but in order to stay together, and happily, you’ll have to deal with conflicts head-on, and you have to consider an alternative. How do you get there though? Continue reading…

How To Deal With Conflict Head-On

Acknowledge and Deal with Your Emotions

A tough day at work, heavy traffic, and so on can all put you in a bad mood. Facing your partner in that lousy mood could impair your judgment; therefore, identify your own emotions. What emotion influences your actions or words in a certain way, or are you looking at the situation objectively? 

Remember, “Quarrels end, but words once spoken never die. “– African Proverb.

Don’t Make Hasty Decisions

Sometimes, one partner takes matters personally when there’s no reason. When your partner forgets to pick up dinner on the way home, you conclude they’re inconsiderate and don’t care about you – a conclusion based on little or no facts. Your partner forgot dinner because they were rushing home to give you good news about their promotion! 

When you want to make assumptions about your partner, stop and try to understand them. Yes, you are annoyed that your spouse came late, but they have their reason; probably, they got a flat tire that took a while to repair. Without facts, you will make poor decisions that will have a long-term negative impact.

Ask yourself:

• How often do you jump to conclusions? 
• How often are you right? 
• What makes you feel anxious, and is it justified? 
• Is there anything you can do to change your feelings? 

This self-reflection exercise assists you in identifying patterns in your relationships and self-esteem that you may need to improve.

Avoid Judgmental Language

In relationships, it’s common for people to misunderstand each other because of the words they use or judgmental language. It can lead to serious, unintended problems and can immediately affect your relationship. It can lead to misunderstanding and prevent you from having meaningful conversations. 

Our thoughts and beliefs don’t hurt or change anyone except for how we talk about them and act on them. It’s astounding how people can sound judgmental using everyday language. Disagreements and confrontations end up occurring as a direct result of this.

Think about how you usually talk to your partner or when you last talked and ask yourself: 

• “What words could I have used to convey my point better? 
• “How could I have worded that idea better?”  

This is where we now probe into possible issues that lead to conflicts in relationships. There are different reasons why partners get into conflict with each other. Before you try to solve the conflict, you first need to establish the main problem.

Five possible issues that lead to conflicts in relationships

1. Misaligned Priorities for Both

Because both partners are unique individuals, their priorities in a relationship differ. Work is a priority for one, while the family is a priority for the other. Our actions and where we spend our time in life reveal our priorities. So, are you and your partner on the same page?

If not, when your partner devotes time to what they consider a priority, you may be offended and wonder, for example, “why are they prioritizing work over family?” because you consider family the most important.

A solution would be to discuss the issue. Make sure you’re creating balance with what involves both of you, like the home, kids, and family, and there can be a win-win situation for both.

2. Projecting Attitudes and Words Onto One Another

If you have bottled up emotions or thoughts inside and you haven’t addressed them, you will unintentionally project them onto your partner. Sometimes you’ll make a remark that leaves your partner wondering, “Where did that come from?”

Your mind will create a story that seems true, but it’s likely a result of unresolved issues probably from the past. You become hypersensitive, reactive, defensive, or withdrawn in this state. Your thoughts convince you that your change of behavior is justified.

Stop! Don’t go down that road; you are headed for conflict in your relationship!

Be on the lookout when making assumptions and check out the story. Is it true? Is this a figment of my imagination?

3. Imbalance Between Alone Time and Together Time

You are two separate individuals who have come together to form a relationship. However, you are still individuals in your own right, with dreams and desires to improve yourselves. You don’t want to stop being yourself when you’re with your partner. The part of you that motivates you to improve is within you!

Alone time boosts your energy, allows you to connect with the inner self, and enjoy your hobbies or passion. Your alone time is not about sitting in front of the tv binge-watching the latest series, but rather it’s spent away from technology, society, and conversations with other people. You need to be in a space where you can be alone with your thoughts, process your emotions, and everything else to fire up your natural spark. 

That’s what alone time does; it’s similar to when you take time off from work. Your internal tank is refilled and you’re rejuvenated.

You share with your partner what you’ve discovered when you return, and your energy and fire will be felt in the relationship. When you are fulfilled, you show up differently to your partner.

Imbalance is a possible issue that leads to conflicts in relationships; either there is too much togetherness or too much alone time. Both extremes can cause frustrations and tensions. If you use most of your time ‘out there’ and only spend 30 minutes a day with your partner, you are courting a conflict.

The other extreme is if you are constantly with each other; you won’t be happy as an individual because you have no time to yourself. It feels like everywhere you turn, your partner is always there. It would be best if you had a break from that environment.

Togetherness is not only physical but about having meaningful conversations. It’s about being physically and mentally present with one another.

4. Unresolved Conversations

Sometimes you start a conversation but never finish it because you get interrupted by kids walking in or you have to go to work, or so on and so forth. It could be inappropriate to bring up important topics during breakfast while doing the dishes, or in between meetings, because a resolution may not be reached. 

When you don’t conclude these conversations, the initial reason for bringing them up fades; by the time you circle back, it’s been two weeks! When a trigger occurs, and one of you is emotionally charged, you will recall the unfinished conversation. It was a well-intended meaningful conversation, but your partner didn’t return to it, and now you’re upset because it’s been so long. Whatever the problem was, it was never resolved. 

As a result, it deflates the partner who feels wronged, and the relationship feels stagnant.

5. Unspoken Needs or Expectations

Vocalize your needs or expectations. For example, if you’re going on vacation, discuss what to expect. 

• Will you be alone or will you invite friends? 
• What will be the routine? 
• What are some of the planned activities? 

Discuss everything to ensure that your needs and expectations are aligned.

• How do you believe you should behave as parents? 
• Do you have expectations about housework and financial matters? 
• What do you aim to achieve in your 50’s-60’s? 
• Do you have retirement plans? 

These are all important conversations that need to be had, and you must be open about what you want. Unmet expectations are the source of all relationship-related disappointment. Most people overlook this!

In short

Remaining respectful to your partner, communicating effectively, and reaching a mutual understanding will always win. Disagreements are not a contest of who is right but a test of how you handle disagreements in your relationship. Boom!

Visit Couples Experience CE Circle to learn more about how to handle conflicts in relationships and strengthen the bond between your loved ones. Be sure to follow us on social media for the latest updates on inclusive relationship advice, and upcoming couples retreat or couples events in your city!

The post How To Handle Disagreements In a Relationship appeared first on Couples Experience.

Sometimes, we forget to celebrate the importance of each other. February is a month to celebrate your relationships with the people who matter to you. Apart from Valentine’s Day, February is also Relationship Wellness Month. Use this time to nurture your relationship wellness with your partner.

When you are a couple, it’s no longer about your own needs. It’s a two-way street. So if you want to reap the benefits of a healthy relationship, you need to make sure that you are making an effort to meet the relationship wellness needs of each other. 

Wellness is a term used to define the health of the mind and body. It is a state of being that focuses on one’s physical and mental health. Going by this definition, you now get to understand why some people appear to be mentally, physically, or emotionally healthy, but they haven’t attained wellness on a closer look. Wellness covers the entire person’s well-being.

Here Are 10 Tips on How to Maintain A Relationship

1. Sharing same spiritual beliefs

We all have a set of beliefs that we hold onto, and they affect our lives in the most profound ways. The way we think and feel can be significantly impacted by the way we see the world.

Having similar spiritual beliefs builds your relationship wellness when it comes to making decisions and resolving conflicts. Therefore to maintain your relationship as a couple, you need to come to a mutual understanding of your beliefs.

2. Open communication

We are not meant to live alone. We need to feel connected to others, accepted, and understood by others. We want to be with someone who cares about us, values our presence, and celebrates our uniqueness. 

You cannot fake your feelings, so be honest with your partner and open up to their feelings. You may be surprised by what they will say. Engaging in open dialogue promotes wellness for couples and prevents mental health issues like depression.

3. Keeping fit together

Studies indicate that keeping fit together as a couple or eating healthy meals even on dates keeps you in good health and leads to a wonderful relationship.

Why?

Exercise increases the levels of endorphins in your brain. These are the same chemicals that produce feelings of love and attraction. Similarly, It raises the levels of oxytocin, a hormone that triggers feelings of trust and comfort. 

You and your partner will feel more connected, and you are more likely to fall in love over and over if you exercise together. In short, your body chemistry will change, and you will feel more attracted to each other. 

4. Enhance each other’s intellect

As a couple, commend each other’s creative and analytical thinking skills. Keep each other updated on the latest trends, for example, in business, technology, and so on.

You could also help each other learn a skill or try out new ideas; for example, if one loves cooking, the other partner could suggest a recipe. Maybe one loves to read; the other could recommend a book.

5. Support each other’s career

Be supportive of your partner’s career, job progression, and new job opportunities. Remember that you do not need to be on the same page at all times, but you should want to help one another grow individually and as a couple.  

Never be the one to hamper your partner’s career, and always be the one helping you to continue to grow within your relationship. 

6. Talk about your finances

Our lives revolve around the decisions we make. Some of these are big, others are small, but all of them have the potential to impact your life. Financial choices are one of the most common reasons that couples break up.

Do not hesitate to discuss your financial decisions with your partner.

Discussing finances with your partner is not only about money; it is about your relationship wellness. You get the opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings about your financial situation and the implication of the decisions you are about to make. 

It’s at this point that you can evaluate your relationship maturity. Is your relationship strong enough to discuss finances? Are you ready to make a financial decision together?

 Disclose to each other your incomes, expenses, and credit history. Understand the importance of money in your relationship. It’s a significant part of life, and it is essential to share this information with your partner. Learn more about how money can affect your relationship. 

 7. Little things are important

It’s interesting to note that not many couples say please and thank you to each other. Politeness isn’t only for your workplace, business partners, or clients.

Saying sorry is a great way to smooth over any misunderstandings. Using “Excuse me” to acknowledge a slip, for example, burping. Manners don’t have to be lavish or overly formal, but they go a long way in strengthening relationship wellness for couples.

8. Resolve any disagreements that arise

It’s one of the most significant factors to keep a happy and healthy relationship. When you resolve your differences, you can enjoy a harmonious and peaceful environment. Unresolved conflicts are the reason behind many relationship breakups and divorces.

If you’re in a relationship and you cannot resolve your problems, then probably it’s time to seek help from a Relationship Wellness Center. The centers offer therapy to couples who want to salvage their relationship.

9. Eating together

Eating together is more than just a family tradition — it inspires people to connect more deeply. 

A meal at your table doesn’t nourish your body only; it’s a way to nurture your relationships too. When you eat together, you’re creating a space where you share conversations. Food is about being present and enjoying colleagues, family, or friends’ company.

Couples profit from eating together. As they share the meal, their conversation flows naturally, thus creating a solid bond.

10. Keep your partner’s confidence up

Sometimes, when you have been together for a long time, you can get so used to each other that pointing out changes that come with age becomes an ordinary comment. But with time, as your partner keeps hearing about it from you, their self-esteem, on the other hand, begins to wane. If you are not careful, you and your partner might be forced to seek help from a Relationship Wellness Centre.

However, if you want to maintain your relationship wellness, quit mentioning the imperfections.

Whenever your partner asks the question, “Do I look okay?”

The answer should be…

You look amazing!

The post 10 Ways to Maintain Relationship Wellness appeared first on Couples Experience.

Can love exist independently of intimacy in a relationship? Or can love be said to be the basis of intimacy?

Yes, love can exist independent of intimacy. Many couples who go their separate ways do not do so based on lack of love, but because of the absence of intimacy which may pose a threat to the survival of a relationship.

Although there are several kinds of relationships, the context to speak on is the romantic relationship between two partners. 

Do you know the 5 love languages and how to incorporate them into your relationship?

Let’s look at love as the foundation on which a relationship exists. In many ways, it ensures stability in the relationship, just as the foundation of a building distributes the structure’s weight over a large area to avoid overloading the underlying soil. But would you choose to live on a foundation when you could make it into a mansion

“Love is not enough.”

It took me a while, some books, and my personal experience to understand that love is not enough. So many times, we are under the delusion of having to fall in love, remain in love, and everything will work out fine, automatically. But, as much as love is crucial to any relationship, it does not stop there. It is only a step-in relationship.

Among other factors that make a successful relationship, intimacy plays a crucial role.

“Sex and intimacy are not synonymous.”

Intimacy goes beyond just sex. Individuals and couples often associate intimacy with some form of sexual activity. While sex with a partner can build intimacy, not all sex is intimate. It is possible to have sex without intimacy, as well as intimacy without sex. 

Intimacy may be physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. All four types of intimacy foster closeness in a relationship.

Intimacy is an act of sharing the innermost part of your being. Intimacy is possible when you are in a relationship that supports mutual acceptance, communication, commitment, tenderness, and trust.

You may seek intimacy in your relationships yet struggle in finding, sharing, and feeling real intimacy with others. Do you find yourself asking, “Why do I still feel alone even when I’m with someone?”

The answer may have to do with risk. One of the fundamental components of intimacy is the willingness to allow yourself to be vulnerable. If you fear vulnerability, then you fear intimacy even though you may long for it.

Partners have a lot to learn about each other at the beginning of a relationship. They are quick to share the lighthearted stuff. It births the bonding of both individuals and adds a contrast of fun to the new relationship between partners. But, when it comes to the scary, emotional stuff, being honest isn’t so simple.

What makes it hard to open up and be honest with someone you claim to love? Why do you still hold back a part of yourself from your partner, even if you feel like you trust them?

“Intimacy in Relationships can be a Rollercoaster.”

There is an idea that being vulnerable interprets opening up yourself to attacks. 

Brene Brown, who is a research professor at the University of Houston, and an Author who for the past two decades has studied courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, says that “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” There is no better way to enjoy a relationship than going all in and being vulnerable. It is where trust comes to play a crucial role.

Intimacy will not happen at once. There are steps, as well as stages to intimacy in a relationship. You must be keen on taking the steps and only on making progress. 

Here are a few steps that can help you achieve a more intimate relationship with your partner.

Communicate about your feelings.

Communication is the pillar of any relationship, be it romantic, formal, or casual. 

The first step to attaining any depth of intimacy is to communicate with your partner. Do not assume your partner automatically knows what is going on in your head. It is hard to build trust and intimacy if your partner has no idea that you are having a hard time. 

If you have a hard time letting people in, it is only proper to communicate this with your partner, along with address what may be the reasons for this fear and let them know you are working on it.

Come to a state of awareness.

To be aware of certain situations means to have a level of control of such situations.

You may avoid having deep relationships for reasons which are even unclear to you.

These situations can occur as patterns. Do you struggle to stay present during sex? Have low self-esteem? Do you distance or isolate yourself from other people?

Taking note of these patterns and being aware can help you have a tangible list of what to work on.

You may also find it helpful to work with a therapist or any mental health professional for guidance.

Tackle your fears and insecurities.

The fear of intimacy arises from traumas like sexual assault, an abusive relationship, and childhood neglect. It is understandable to have let your guard up in response to these. 

You are not alone.

You do not have to be ashamed when you understand what made you first put your guard up.

But to move on, you have to identify what makes you feel safe and what triggers these insecurities. Then, you can intentionally set up boundaries you still want to keep and begin to do away with those that are no longer helpful or that may hinder intimacy in your new relationship.

Make a genuine effort to know about each other.

The first thing to note is that intimacy is not a race. Getting to know each other on a deeper level takes time and should be aided by patience from both parties.

A time would come when you feel you have known all about your partner, and the spark of mystery is gone. But people change, and relationships grow over time. There is always more to learn about your partner.

Ask questions and play games like strip trivia, ask each other the “36 Questions to fall in love”, which would help gather more information about your partner.

Make time for each other.

Spending quality time with your partner can help foster bonding. 

A date night weekly or twice a month will help with this. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an outdoor date. There are home date night ideas you could pick. You can always switch between an outdoor date and a home date night. But do not forget the goal is to pay attention and be truly engaged with one another. It is easy for time to fly by without sharing quality time together, and less quality time can result in a disconnect.

Solve/Tackle a project together.

Remember the earlier mentioned type of intimacy? 

Intellectual intimacy.

Forming an intellectual bond is crucial for the existence of friendship in a relationship. Those we build a mental connection with are our friends and can make lasting impressions on us. 

Thus, building a mental bond with our partner is as important as the emotional bond. Sharing ideas, tackling projects as little as moving a table in the living room to a more preferred position can help grow our mental connection with our partner.

Seek Professional Help.

Seek help from professionals and relationship experts from guidance. You can also find helpful resources just like this on the internet for further information.

Achieving intimacy that is deeply rooted in love and acceptance will come with its challenges, no one said otherwise. The most rewarding part of being in a long-term relationship is being able to share your true self with your partner and to know that they fully accept you.

Author Bio

Raji Oluwaniyi is a freelance writer who has successfully helped several organizations to pen down articles covering a wide range of topics. He is a hard worker and strives to produce his best every time he is assigned a task.

The post What Is Intimacy and How To Maintain Intimacy In A Relationship appeared first on Couples Experience.

Watch how Tamika and I keep our marriage interesting.

There is no way to prepare for the ups and downs and challenges of married life after you “jump the broom”. After you say “I do” everything is official and the relationship moves to another level. That requires each of you to also take things to another level. Commitment, communication, patience, and understanding take on added and more important meaning. With a marriage commitment, you have decided to confront issues and take the time and dedication to solve problems. As I often tell my spouse, there is no running away. I often try to remind myself of the importance of communication. My spouse and I have a general target that no matter what the issue, we use best efforts to try to resolve it before heading to bed. There is something reassuring and refreshing to know that you can communicate thoroughly to resolve an issue and prevent it from carrying over to a new day. It isn’t easy, but we power through! 

I bet you wouldn’t think – Tamika never wanted to get married, but she did!

Marriage isn’t just hard work resolving issues. As you settle in you discover new, interesting things about your mate. You get to watch them (and you as a couple) grow personally, professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. You get to see your mate evolve and get better and age like fine wine. The hard work, commitment, trust, and communication that you prioritize allow you to enjoy this special growth together as you embark on the most special journey of all. As always, Love makes the experience. 

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