Often, the hectic pace of life makes it impossible to do what we need to do for ourselves. Whether it is time alone, meditation, reading, personal growth, or anything else that makes you happy and fills you up, taking the time for self-care is an important activity.
While you are taking care of and looking out for others, it is equally important that you take care of yourself. I’m sure you can agree just how easy it is to lose yourself and get caught up while filling the gaps in the lives of others.
Practicing self-care does not mean you are choosing yourself over the ones you love. It means you are mindful of what you need as an individual; your body, mind, and soul. When you become more aware of your own needs, it makes it that much easier to be accessible, and for you to provide invaluable support to those you truly care about. Just know, when you are cranky, tired, or feeling even a little bit lackluster, the help you offer to others may be lacking and not as positive as normal.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
I think we can all agree, we live in a world where many are driven by money, success, and achievements, along with recognition. The digital age of social media filled with likes and loves has become a plus and an impediment to some. It is our innate desire to serve, to be loved and liked that moves us to do things, even when we may be empty. Just recently, we saw Simone Biles drop out of the 2021 Tokyo Olympics quoting, “I came in and I felt like I was still doing it for other people,” Biles said, “so it hurts my heart that doing what I love has been kind of taken away from me to please other people.” Many can relate to this feeling of ignoring your own wants and loves to be approved by others. This too, is what can occur when caring for others such as family and friends. The act of caring can sometimes be draining, physically, emotionally, and mentally, if not properly checked. We sometimes forget the importance of relationships, not just with others but also with ourselves.
Having a personal relationship with yourself goes beyond looking at yourself in the mirror every morning. Of course, our mirrors help reflect our physical appearance before stepping out for the day, but we most likely do not notice, or most times, we overlook the symptoms right before us. Be it physical, emotional, or mental stress.
How does lack of self-care give rise to crises in relationships?
Think about it. No one has ever escaped the feeling of being overwhelmed by certain situations in our lives. Stress at work, illness, kids, your spouse – these are all things that most of us will experience at some point in life. Truthfully, it will always seem easier to take care of everything else and everyone else apart from yourself, simply because the work to delve into your own desires is a long process, that sometimes may seem selfish. It’s not.
When you make your partner the center of your life, your relationship may take some hits.
Putting those we care about first, can sometimes be a reflection of how much you love and care about them, sure, but when done in a toxic relationship, or when your vulnerability is not appreciated the harm done can be difficult to overcome physically, emotionally, and mentally. It only gets worse when we also put certain things like our career, job, or business ahead of our self-care.
People who fail to practice self-care often find it hard to keep going, let alone open up to their partner when the situation begins to hit hard.
While countless studies have shown the importance of self-care in many relationships, the lack of self-care could pose several negative impacts on your relationship. One result of not operating from a place of self-care is the withdrawal of self which is also a stage of depression. The major cause of this is stress.
Stress is one of the main factors that influence emotional disconnect between partners. Generally, stress affects the emotional wellness of an individual. When we are stressed, we stop paying attention to things we first held as vital to us. We stop engaging in our own lives, and many end up crawling into a hole of sadness or depression that seems impossible to pull yourself out of
Our emotional state of well-being affects our relationship with others in many ways, and our immediate partner in several ways. Thus, it is crucial to measure and consider our stress levels and make the necessary time to do things that carry self-care awareness.
Self-care is not a reward. It is a critical component to living a balanced and happy life.
Relationships are sacrificial. We tend to make sacrifices for the ones we care about, no doubt, but the best sacrifice partners should always have in mind is the sacrifice of practicing self-care.
On a brighter note, the practice of self-care can be done together by you and your partner. Engaging in partnering activities together can strengthen your bond and intimacy.
Reading books together, cooking meals, meditating, visiting the spa, going on morning jogs, taking an evening stroll, or hitting the gym together, will not only reduce stress levels but will also strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
Self-care is simply doing the things you enjoy, and the best way to go about doing this is with yourself and of course, your loved one(s).
Having goals of success, recognition, academic, career, and business excellence are all great and moving, and all of the above create value in life, but not when they are your only goals. Not when the above defines your worth.
So don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. You are not neglecting other people or other responsibilities when you do so, you are uplifting yourself in such a way that you are able to perform at your highest. To be present, and to succeed in your connections and care.
It is not a zero-sum game when you nurture your needs. The result of self-care is not just personal. It will also affect the lives of those around you positively. The world needs more positive energy at this point. The synergistic outcome can be far beyond what you initially imagined!
So, go ahead, take fifteen or thirty minutes or more each day for your self-care routine. Whether you meditate, write in a journal, listen to an audiobook or podcast, watch a video, doing these things will make you feel better about yourself, make you happier and more relaxed, and help you become more present in your daily life.
Writer Bio: Emmanuel is a versatile writer who has written over 50 articles on lifestyle, science, business, technology, and marketing. He believes so much in the power of psychology and its leverage on self-development and solving human misunderstandings. He finds it fulfilling writing on relationship and self-help topics, as it helps people get answers to difficult questions and situations surrounding their relationships and lifestyle.
He is a graduate of Environmental Management and Toxicology. He currently resides in Lagos, Nigeria.
