Let me tell you a secret —
Not many know this about me. Not many know how detrimental this once was for me. No one knows how much this secret prevented me from experiencing so much of what life had to offer or better yet, not many know how much my anxiety would spin out of control and my #worrywart ways (given to me by my beautiful grandmother) prevented me from seeing that worry was just that – worry. It did nothing for me. I thought that worrying helped me in seeing what could happen in the future.
I remember laying in bed thinking of all the “bad” outcomes in my mind. I would run through the possibilities of shitty circumstances with an understanding (in my world) keyword “my world” that covering various circumstances in my mind could intercept those same circumstances and thoughts from actually happening.
Let me clarify this. Before I get to the secret. Before I release the issue that once carried fear in me preventing me from going everywhere I wanted to go. Before I get to the secret that made me cry at night as I anticipated its happening. Before I get to the secret that literally made me have shakes and an overwhelming panic within my body because, well, I had no control over something AND somehow I believed having control would make a difference. Fear is nothing but not having control over the unknown.
Sometimes, I reflect and think and laugh to myself a bit, but I reminisce on how serious the fear once was.
Somehow I thought I didn’t have control over this one thing, but I had control over everything else in my life – NOT!!
This fear created a missing…a void.
The void was there because I had to go through other pain before (more on that at another time), and all I wanted more than anything was to at least have a hold on this, on this fear, but the universe doesn’t allow you to control everything. Let’s show appreciation for that fact because we would F some things UUUUUP!!!
The point is…Had I allowed the fear to continue to fill up the missing void in my life, had I allowed the fear to continue to dictate my life and where I would go, had I allowed the fear to cater to satisfy my wants and needs, I would not be where I am today.
My secret?! It may not be too serious for others, but my secret is…
I had a severe fear of flying…
To think about that fear now as I travel across the US and to other countries around the world.
As I lay in first class, most times in coach 😉 next to world travelers covering miles of ocean water from a great invention – the airplane.
I think of what I could have really missed. What I could have really missed out on experiencing if I had allowed the fear to continue to fill me up. If I had not allowed the best of what life is to present itself to me in all moments – there would be no enlightened T (that’s me). No Logan. No great mission. No culture. No experience of connecting to others like me in the sense of humanity. No grasp on how every individual experiences life differently based on their circumstances – just like me!
Learning how to conquer fear, learning how to accept fear for what it is, then propel it away was what I did. I conquered it, by doing it. By experiencing through it. With wine. With movies. Pillows, blankets, favorite jeans (yes I believed that mattered for a moment), Beats wireless headphones, and my selection of music. With research. With some talks and some reading. With lots of breathing and lots of envisioning something else that encapsulated that fear.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I know it!
So what’s your secret?
