Attitudes are a natural reaction to the different situations we face. They can be positive or negative and affect our thinking and behavior. Many of us can have negative attitudes, especially when things are not going our way. When this happens, it’s easy for us to prevent our attitudes from getting better, which usually affects those around us.
With this in mind, here’s how your attitudes can ruin amazing love.
1. You Take Your Partner for Granted
Is it easy to take your partner for granted when you’re in a committed relationship? Do you find that every day feels the same? Or do you savor each minute with your partner and find that you never have enough time to spend together?
When you’ve been with someone for a while, whether it’s two weeks or 20 years, it can be easy to forget why you fell in love with them in the first place. You may feel like they’re always going to be there, and the love you once shared, no matter how much it has changed, will maintain the relationship. Many times this makes you feel like there’s no reason to appreciate them.
People who take their partners for granted tend to be stuck in their comfort zone; they don’t bother to try to change or improve their relationships because they are comfortable with the way things are.
This attitude can be very damaging, and it can make it difficult for partners to build a meaningful connection with one another. It truly causes a vibe of why should I show any effort. Just know taking your partner for granted can lead to the breakdown of your love, and the resentment that may occur will be detrimental and grueling to restore.
2. Keep Stock of Negative Emotions
Harboring negative feelings towards your partner is the worst baggage you can bring into a relationship. It’s toxic and unhealthy and likely to ruin your amazing love.
Letting negative feelings remain bottled up inside can lead to resentment and estrangement, no matter how happy you seem on the outside. It’s important to express yourself and release your feelings, even when it may seem they will not be received well. When you share and release, healing is possible to occur. When you hold things in, the other person doesn’t even know your feelings or issues, putting you both in an unfair situation. Allow your partner the opportunity to listen, receive, and improve. To do so, you have gotta release your feelings, ok?!
3. You Are Overly Critical of Your Partner
If you’re in a relationship with someone, you should be able to tell them anything without it being a big deal. But with the people we love most, that’s only sometimes true.
When you criticize your partner for their flaws or mistakes, it sends the message that you don’t think they’re good enough. If someone feels like they’re doing nothing right, they might start feeling insecure about themselves and second-guess every choice they make.
The criticism you may be communicating can be turned into a helpful suggestion or replaced with less hurtful words with some conscious effort. If you do this, you can avoid fights, misunderstandings, and your relationship getting worse.
4. Counter Attacking or Complete Withdrawal
When we are attacked, we believe our only choices are to defend ourselves or flee. Believe me; I get the fleeing part. Trying to escape was my way of “dealing” with things at the beginning of our relationship. Listen — that ain’t the way to go!
If we choose the first option, we respond with the first thought that comes to mind. This upsets the other person and increases the probability that they may try to fight back, which is never a pleasant experience. You risk falling into a toxic and disastrous cycle difficult to break out of.
The second option is to flee emotionally or stonewall. Stonewalling can occur when you feel your partner criticizes, blames, or tries to convince you to do a difficult task. Stonewalling looks different in every relationship because everyone handles matters differently. Your partner may say nothing, leave the room, or even say, “I’m not talking about this.”
Sometimes stonewalling can be helpful because it allows an individual to calm down so that they can handle the situation later. However, stonewalling can become unhealthy when it becomes a regular response to the conflict in your relationship. Being mature and talking through things is imperative to a growing and successful relationship.
So, stop being afraid and learn to deal with things—together.
5. You Feel Contempt Towards Your Partner
The key to a successful relationship is good communication skills. Having a positive attitude in your communication with your partner is also essential.
If you constantly have a bad attitude towards your partner and what they say and do, it will ultimately lead to an unhealthy relationship.
Contempt can start subtly, like making fun of your partner’s hobbies or interests or gossiping about them. It can also be present to a greater extent, such as name-calling and humiliating them.
Contempt creates distance between two people in the relationship and leads to unhappiness, so friends don’t do it. If you are geared up to having a fruitful, loving, and long-term relationship, resist the contempt bug.
6. Refusing to Apologize Despite Being Wrong
When you refuse to apologize, even when you are clearly at fault, you send a message to the other person that they are not as important as you are. This can hurt your relationship in the long run because it undermines the trust that is vital in any relationship. Let’s be all sorts of real right now – we all make mistakes. The joys of becoming an adult are having the ability to eliminate the ego, admit your wrongs, and relish in the realization that doing so will help to sustain and build a lasting relationship.
If not, over time, this kind of behavior will erode your relationship, and the other person will begin to question whether or not there is something wrong with them when it is you! You are the source of the consternation and lack of healing. If one partner consistently refuses to apologize and the other partner is always upset about it, the couple will probably end up resenting one another.
7. You Avoid Open Communication to Keep the Peace
By nature, human beings are communicators. We need to make ourselves heard and share our thoughts and feelings with others. Unfortunately, this is not always the case for everyone in a relationship. Some people fear what their partners may say or do if they speak about how they feel.
The root of this issue is fear. You are afraid that your partner won’t be able to handle the truth. You are afraid your partner isn’t interested in hearing the truth. You are afraid if you speak your truth, nothing will shift. Things will sadly remain the same. Even in that state of fear, it’s important to let your guard down, have a little faith, and acknowledge that no matter the outcome, releasing your truth will be healing for you.
To Sum Up
Having frank and open discussions with your partner about your feelings about the relationship’s current state is crucial. Discuss it when you and your partner are relaxed. Ensure you have some good suggestions for improving the relationship, but don’t get too hung up on any one solution. Expect some criticism about your character but remember to focus on the issue at hand and use “I” statements versus “you” statements to prevent your partner from getting defensive.
Know this; you can’t expect any problem to disappear simply by ignoring it or pretending it doesn’t exist. Repressed emotions will always be present; in most cases, the repressed feelings will grow and become insurmountable. Let’s prevent that from happening. In most cases, people are ignorant of how negatively they affect others. So, take time to understand your feelings; with time, you will know how to manage them.
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