Incorporate Love Languages In Your Life

Expressing our love can be difficult. Doing it in a way our partner understands and appreciates can be even more challenging.

Usually, in romantic relationships, there is some pressure on expressing your feelings appropriately due to expectations we put on our partner and vice-versa. We want them to love us in a way we understand, and we want them to understand the way we love them. But often, two individuals have clashing conceptions of love that can cause conflict in a relationship.

Dr. Gary Chapman proposed the concept of the 5 Love Languages not as a way to demand from our partner our preferred demonstrations of love but as a way to understand how we love, how our partner loves, and how they want to be loved.

Incorporating elements of all five love languages can make our relationships healthier and our connections deeper. There are many ways to implement and incorporate these languages into your relationship.

Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation may be the most straightforward love language to incorporate into a relationship, but no less meaningful. If this is your partner’s primary love language, they need to hear “I love you” often and in different ways. Making a habit of saying kind words to your partner will reassure them of your love and affection and make them feel your genuine support.

The critical elements of this love language are empathy, encouragement, affirmation, and appreciation. You don’t need grand romantic gestures and declarations of love. Be genuine and honest with your partner when telling them how much you appreciate them and why. The emotions and reasons behind the words are more important than the words themselves.

If you’re not so comfortable expressing your love through words, this is a great way to practice. You can take small steps until making words of affirmation is an effortless habit in your relationship. Here are some ideas on how to incorporate them into your daily life:

Say, “I am so lucky to have you.”
Compliment them on their appearance.
Say, “I really appreciate how hard you work for us.”
Leave them an encouraging message before a big day at work.
Say, “I am so proud of who you are.”
Leave a loving note on their suitcase when they go on a trip.
Say, “You inspire me.”
Congratulate them on achieving a goal, even if it’s a small one.
Say, “I am here for you.”

Physical touch

Physical touch is a fundamental part of any relationship, especially for those who have this primary love language. If your partner values physical touch above all else, any subtle intentional physical contact will be a reminder that you care about them.

These touches need to be intentional and caring. Naturally, your partner won’t feel loved if you bump into them in a crowded room without even realizing it. To successfully incorporate this language into your relationship, you need to make touching your partner a conscious priority.

In social environments, physical contact can be essential. A big event can be an overwhelming situation, but you can make your partner feel noticed and cared for by resting your hand on their back while you stand together or holding their hand.

There are many other ways to integrate physical touch into your routine:

Give your partner a hug or kiss goodbye every morning.
Lay your head on their shoulder or put your arms around them as they lay their head on you.
Hold their hand while walking together.
Kiss them on the forehead when you pass them by at home.
Offer them a massage when they get home from a hard day at work.

Receiving gifts

A gift can be a perfect material reminder of one’s love. If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, they cherish every little souvenir you’ve ever given them. Whether it was a big occasion or something you picked up on your way home because it reminded you of your partner, the object will hold immense sentimental value to them.

Of course, the gift itself isn’t what is valuable here. What touches your partner’s heart is the thought you put into it. That is why while a thoughtful and personal gift will make your partner’s heart melt, a cheap and generic gift will give your partner the impression that you don’t know them well enough or care.

On the other hand, expressing your gratitude when your partner gives you a gift is just as important. Even if receiving gifts isn’t a big deal to you, show your partner that you understand what the gift represents and be grateful for it.

An excellent strategy to effectively incorporate this love language is keeping a record of things your partner mentions and hints they might drop every so often. That way, when you feel like finding the perfect gift for your beloved, you will have a list of options to help you.

Other ideas for gifts are:

Buy your partner their favorite snack from childhood.
Buy them a new book from their favorite author.
Bring home something that reminded you of them while you were away on a trip.
Give them something that reminds you of a memorable experience you had together.
Give them something that reminds them of their childhood.

Quality Time

If this is your partner’s primary love language, the most precious gift you can give them is time spent together. Putting down your phones, switching off the TV, and just sitting down together, face to face, giving each other your undivided attention is the best way to show your mutual love.

Planning weekly date nights is a great way to keep a meaningful connection with your partner. While spontaneously deciding to spend time together is great, planning shows commitment to making time for each other. However, note, if you cancel your plans, your partner might feel more neglected, since that moment would have been so important to them.

There are many great ways to spend uninterrupted time together:

Plan a weekend getaway.
Leave your phones at home, walk together to a nearby park, sit down and enjoy the environment as well as one another.
Take a few minutes to tell each other about your day before going to bed together.
Play a board game or do a puzzle together.
Cook your favorite recipes together.
Take a walk around your neighborhood.

Acts of Service

For many people, actions speak louder than words. If this is your partner’s approach to life, the best way to make them feel loved is by doing big or small acts of kindness that will make their life a little easier.

Anything you can do to take some of the responsibility off of your partner’s shoulders will be deeply appreciated. You can pick up the dry cleaning, vacuum the house, do the grocery shopping, and do any other action that will make their day better. If you don’t know what they need, ask – be genuine about your desire to help, and they will surely point you in the right direction.

But remember: these acts need to come from the heart. Having a negative attitude towards acts of service will have the opposite effect: you may come off as unsupportive and uncaring. In these cases, it could have been better not to help at all.

Other ways to help your partner are:

Fill up their gas tank.
Prepare a meal for a party or gathering they’re attending.
Do the laundry.
Make them breakfast in bed.
Bring them lunch at work.
Do the dishes after a meal.

Find your balance

Remember that the love languages are not mutually exclusive – we all express them and need them in different situations. It’s essential to learn to speak all five languages in a way that feels right for both you and your partner.

The best way to achieve this is through communication. Talk to each other about what feels good to both of you and when. You shouldn’t roll out a list of how your partner’s expression of love is lacking. Instead, share what kinds of actions mean the most to you and learn what actions mean the most to your partner. Give examples of times when you felt most loved and appreciated.

One way to start this conversation is by taking the official love language quiz on Dr. Chapman’s website. The quiz will give you a notion of what love languages are most important to you and offer an opportunity to provide specific examples related to you and your needs with every question. Talking about concrete situations will help you understand each other’s feelings better and give have a clearer idea of how to implement each language into your relationship.

Thais Roberto and Couples Experience