You’re going to want to read this from start to finish.
Ah, “The One.” This has become such a common concept in love affairs. So common it has become a cliché in many ways. Everyone wants to find that special someone to light them on fire, right? Yes, no? So what is “The One,” and how do you know you’ve found them? Stick around, and you might find an answer.
Fairytales and rom-coms have long propagated the concept that there is one person in the universe who is destined to be your forever partner, your soulmate.
We can probably all agree that relationships are a tricky business even under the best of circumstances. Going from a right swipe on Tinder to a first date and then sailing into a ‘formal relationship’ zone might feel a lot like crossing a gauntlet that you’ve been woefully underprepared for.
But, if you do make it into coupledom — slaps on the backs and clinking glasses from all of us — the next thing you’ll need to ask yourself is, are they indeed ‘The One.’
9 Signs To Know You’ve Found The One
Let’s not even go the path of “there are so many fish in the sea” or “it’s a numbers game” argument. I’m taking a more practical approach, which I find tremendously reassuring.
Whether or not you believe that among the 7.6 billion people on Earth, there is only one person with whom you are meant to spend the rest of your life, the truth remains that some people are better matched to another.
That said, especially in the early phases of dating—when you’re high on hormones, lust, and what could be— it’s too easy to mistake a match for a soulmate. So, to spare you some time, here are 15 symptoms to determine you’ve discovered—the—or, as I like to call it, “A”—One.
Here are some early signs you’ve met the one;
The One will be a person who values relationships;
Okay, this should be an early sign, but it isn’t always the case (ugh). If you’re wondering if a person you’ve been hooking up with or dating (exclusively or not) has till-death-do-us-part potential, it’s necessary you are sure they’re looking for a relationship. Otherwise, you’ll end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself to keep them engaged and interested in you, which should never be the forerunner to long-term love. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions, and get to know if this person is along for the relationship ride. Seriously, ask the burning, tough questions you would rather not ask, but you absolutely need and deserve to know the answer to. You will be surprised how forthright some people are with their honesty!
You value the time you spend together;
This is related to the last point about prioritizing each other, but it also demands you to make the most of your time together. One major clue you’ve discovered, “the One,” according to Cook, is, “you can put down your phone.” When you’re that invested in your spouse, you’re not going to be scrolling, avoiding one another. You will both be present and attentive to one another and guess what? You will actually look at and chat with one another. You may even lose track of time and get completely immersed in the current moment with your spouse.” This is a really good sign.
You are happy to make sacrifices;
As Levancuka notes, if you’ve met The One, you’ll both be okay with making certain sacrifices for each other, even if you’ve always been more concerned with looking out for yourself as the number one priority.
Psychologists refer to these sacrifices as ‘costly commitment signals,’ which occur when we perform acts or behave in ways that are likely to ‘cost’ us time, money, or emotions merely because we want to support our significant other.
You are open to change;
This doesn’t mean becoming who you’re not. It means taking active decisions to work on your flaws and become a better person. When your heart accepts someone, you want to offer them the best version of yourself and you hold yourself accountable to this expectation.
There is healthy Independence;
Great time apart is just as vital as quality time together. “When your partner is ‘the One,’ you still have a healthy sense of independence and separate identities,” Cook explains. “When there is love present, each partner can respect the other’s space while still coming together.” It’s important to understand partner time and individual time. For those individuals that need a substantial amount of alone time, you will know you have found “the One” if they get, and accept this about your personality.
You mention the future;
Conversations regarding the future should come freely and effortlessly when you’ve found someone who wants to share their life with you. “When you’re dating someone, you can feel frightened to talk about plans together, whether it’s a six-month event or getting married,” Cook says. “When you know your partner is ‘the one,’ there is no fear or hesitancy in discussing the future because you know you want to spend it together.” Planning with someone else and knowing both of you are on the same page is special, and is not easy to find. When you find it…hold onnnn!
The One will be someone who makes your body thrilled;
I don’t necessarily mean you have to have 100% sexual compatibility (though there is nothing wrong with that), but there should be reciprocal sexual attraction and a sense of “body comfort.” You should feel like you’ve found whatever your body is looking for in them, and you are not nervous to express it. This is not lust my friends. This is a sense of comfort where you don’t mind loving on them physically. That physical touch love language will be active!
You won’t feel pressured to be perfect;
No one, not even you, is flawless. That being said, you probably put plenty of effort into you being the best version of yourself when you’re around your partner—which is a great sign!—but you also need to have moments and days when you’re not your bubbliest, shiniest self. If you find someone with whom you feel completely at ease being a little off on occasion, that’s a great indicator you have found the one. Wear those comfy clothes around your mate. Be a bit moody. Share your full self with them. If they accept it, that my friends, is exceptional!
You don’t share excessively;
Do you know those people who regularly post adoring pair selfies? Most times, this is an example of them doing the most to compensate for a lack of linkage. It’s true. Pay attention to the couples that do this. Sure their photos look fly indeed, but sometimes, in reality, the fly being portrayed doesn’t actually exist. According to Levancuka, if your partner isn’t plastering your relationship all over their social media accounts, it’s a good sign that everything is fine in couplesville.
Oversharing could be a symptom of insecurity, or being more concerned with how you add to their social image than how you enhance their day-to-day life.
It’s entirely acceptable for your partner to share the occasional image of you, but happy couples are too busy enjoying each other’s company within the moment. This means they’re not going to quit enjoying one another’s company only to publish a status or to take a selfie.
Take your selfies to yourself!
“I can’t tell you how many times Logan and I take a photo, and I literally forget to post it.” – Tamika Carlton
Not posting is ok! So how are you feeling? Have you found “the One?” Are you feeling pretty good about embarking on finding your soul mate? We hope this list has provided you with a sense of clarity. However, just remember to trust your gut and do what works best for you. Cheers to special, real, quality relationships!
