“Compromise, communication, and consistency are needed in all relationships, not just romantic ones.” – Alex Elle.
Ever heard of the three C’s? When broken down, the 3c’s are compromise, communication, and commitment. Finding a perfect balance between all three can seem tricky but scaling through it is vital for you and your partner. As humans, we constantly communicate with one another, consciously and subconsciously. Communication doesn’t only come in the form of literal words. We can also communicate through nonverbal methods like body language, facial expressions, and our overall behavior.
For example, when you’re doing something wrong, and your mom gives you a stern look; she has communicated her intentions to you through her facial expression. Communication in a relationship entails more than just connecting with your partner via verbal or physical means, it also has to do with understanding your partner’s point of view, offering your support, and making them aware that you are their number one fan.
If there is one thing you and your better half need to do sooner rather than later, it’s learning how to compromise in your relationship. This is a unique skill in various situations, from fixing problems in your sex life to choosing a location for your next vacation. Compromise is simply coming together and finding a solution that is agreeable to you and your partner. It shows the relationship itself is more important than being “right” all the time. It proves that you’re approaching life’s challenges as a couple and as two people who want to make decisions that work for each other, together. Compromise is all about telling your story so when you have something on your mind, you should communicate how you feel, give your partner some time to think about the issue, and time to adjust accordingly.
How compromise can seem tricky
Let me tell you a true story. Tyler posted on Facebook recently. He shared his experience with his girlfriend as they coordinated a much-anticipated movie night. Tyler said that he wanted to re-watch the latest Fast and Furious action film, while his girlfriend Ashley wished to re-watch her favorite movie, Sex and the City 2. In the post, Tyler said, the two of them could not come up with a movie to watch that was of interest to them both (maybe they should have tried Netflix ;)). Tyler felt the continuous argument would lead to nothing so he eventually gave in and told Ashley that they could watch her fave – Sex and the City 2 movie. He noticed how pleased Ashley was by this decision, but the truth is, he was a little sad that he ended up conceding. The compromise he made didn’t seem like a big deal at the time; however, it contained a specific pattern that could be problematic when more complex situations arise. Ashley might have genuinely felt like Tyler conceding and getting her way is a form of ‘compromise.’ After all, he had ‘compromised’ what he wanted, for her to be happy. On the other hand, unbeknownst to Tyler, she may have had the faint thought that next time, they’ll watch the movie that Tyler wanted to see.
From this story, you can see that Tyler and Ashley failed to communicate their feelings to each other appropriately. They voiced their opposing views on the surface but didn’t really listen, nor consider what the other had to say. Their focus was on the situation and not on each other’s feelings. Although they may have reached a quasi-solution, it left one person down, and that was Tyler. In the end, the best thing to do would have been for Tyler to have an honest and open dialogue about how he was feeling with Ashley. The possible outcome would have been reaching a fair consensus to help both individuals moving forward.
Why should you communicate with your partner when it comes to compromising?
When you and your partner openly communicate about an issue, you’re likely to reach a compromise that is entirely understood by you both. So instead of suppressing your displeasure, try to discuss your true feelings openly with your partner. This doesn’t mean being stubborn and refusing to listen, but rather being open and honest about what you’re finding difficult. In turn, it will be just as important for your partner to be able to do the same with you.
See here’s the thing, when you and your partner speak openly about how you truly feel about a problem in a respectful manner, you’re more likely to reach a fair result. And by talking about it, both parties understand how to make a decision that considers what is important to you both. Now, don’t think communication and compromise will always result in an easy consensus. There will be times arguments may arise. Misunderstandings and frustrations may erupt, but to hash it all out can make or break a relationship for the long haul. Suppressing emotions and thoughts cause resentment. The point to always consider is reaching a consensus all the time doesn’t have to be the goal. The goal should be to listen to understand, and know, most times, disagreements are more likely situations where one or both partners feel like they are not experiencing the emotional respect they deserve. It is less about the practical facts of the case. On a practical level, “taking turns” or “meeting in the middle” can be better than not being able to reach an agreement at all.
However, these practical methods should be considered secondary and shouldn’t overshadow the basic fact that you and your better half need to feel heard and appreciated. This my friends is the true meaning of compromise in a relationship.
How can couples communicate better with each other?
Through work. I’m sure you have heard it before, relationships take work. No manual work, but spiritual, emotional, and foundational companionship work. Conscious compromising can happen even if you and your partner don’t share the same love language. In order to communicate better, you have to be willing to lay out all your issues and make an effort to speak to each other’s love languages.
To have more fruitful conversations with your partner take heed to these communication tips. Listen up and follow along to some insightful things to do to keep your relationship easygoing and happy…
Try to be open about how things your partner does affect you. It is better to get the little things out in the open, and regularly, to avoid causing long-term damage to your relationship.
Try not to put your partner on the defensive. In counseling, they usually recommend that you try using “I” statements. This means talking about how your partner’s actions have made you feel. Placing the focus on yourself means taking responsibility for your feelings and being less likely to make them feel attacked. For example, a good I statement …“I feel unappreciated when things are said about me not cooking dinner for you every day.”
Consider making some sacrifices in marriage or your partnership too…
The last tip is always to make time to talk and listen, and not just about relationship things. Listening to your partner as they share how their day went, or what may be bothering them is a sure way to build trust and intimacy. These are scenarios where you learn your partner and grow to understand your partner’s point of view. It’s all about paying attention to what they say; stop concentrating on your response, instead, put your ears down and listen – sometimes things are not always about you.
Remember, we are all human beings before we become lovers. We consider some things sacred and don’t ever want to compromise on them. However, in a relationship built on mutual respect, to resolve more minor disagreements with ease, it’s essential to compromise and communicate. Don’t forget that real love prefers compromise over conflict, all because it understands that the end goal is peace.
Author Bio
Raji Oluwaniyi is a freelance writer who has successfully helped several organizations to pen down articles covering a wide range of topics. He is a hard worker and strives to produce his best every time he is assigned a task.
