What Are Soul Mates?
We’ve all dreamed of finding our soul mate one day. Many lucky couples have actually found their special someone, their true love, “the one”. But what exactly is a soul mate? Do soul mates even exist? Or are they simply a projection of our ideal romantic partner? A romanticization of the underwise mundane idea of compatibility?
The term soul mate can mean different things to different people, and a concrete definition is actually quite hard to pin down because of this. The definition varies depending on who you ask, but typically there are 3 general categories these definitions fall into.
Dictionary Definition of Soul Mates
According to Dictionary.com, for example, a soul mate is “a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond.” Similarly, Merriam-Webster Dictionary states that a soul mate is “a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament.”
Going by this definition, it would be totally possible for any one of us to have multiple soul mates, all equally valid and impactful on our lives. These types of soul mates could show up in our life as not only romantic partners but also friends or family. These are the people who become best friends, lovers, and spouses. The people with whom we have such a connection that together, the sum of the parts is oftentimes stronger than each person individually.
We already know that there are some people with whom we just mesh, with minimal effort or energy required. These are the people whose energy tends to balance out our own, whose character traits and personalities align almost perfectly with our own, and who
can work in unison with our own idiosyncrasies and unique ways of thinking, feeling, and just being.
Psychological Definition of Soul Mates
On the other hand, family and marital psychologist Dr. Michael Tobin defines a soul mate as “your fellow traveler on the journey of life—you need one another to grow beyond the limitations of your individual selves.” So in this sense, your soul mate would likely be limited to one person- typically your romantic partner. Your partner is the person who lives with you, learns with you, grows with you. They meet your emotional and physical needs while constantly challenging you, and in this way make you into a better version of yourself.
This second definition of soul mates incorporates the idea of growth, partnership, and longevity. You may find someone who you are totally head-over-heels in love with, but ultimately, if they are unable to grow with you, if they don’t ever challenge you, or if they hold you back from growing as an individual, they aren’t your soul mate.
Metaphysical Definition of Soul Mates
A third way of looking at the idea of soul mates is by turning to a more metaphysical lens. There is this more spiritual notion that your real soul mate is one of a kind. Someone who is “made for you” so to speak. Someone with whom you are meant to be. Not just anyone would fall into this category, and the prevailing idea is that there is only one person who could be your true soul mate, in this sense of the word. Most of our romantic ideas about finding your “one true love” come from this understanding of the term soul mates.
Where can you meet your soul mate?
Suffice to say, there is no universal definition of what a soul mate is. And yet, whether you believe you can have multiple soul mates- romantic or otherwise, whether you believe that your true soulmate must be a life-long partner, challenging you to grow and be the best version of yourself, or whether you believe that there really is just one true soul mate who is destined for you and you alone, all the above definitions seem to reveal a simple truth. That soul mates probably do exist, and that if you’re lucky enough to find yours, they will undoubtedly improve your life, complimenting you in the best way.
Author Bio:
Sangeethai is a freelance writer based in Toronto, Canada. She is a storyteller, life-long learner, and adventurer. Her insatiable curiosity and respect for the written word led Sangeethai to pursue a career in writing and communications, focusing on topics that she is passionate about, including psychology, health and wellness, personal finance, and current affairs. When she’s not in front of her laptop, you can find Sangeethai with her helmet on, riding her motorcycle into the sunset.
